What makes a woman a good flirt?
5 Types of Women that Men Avoid
Too often a day in the life of the dating world goes something like this: you meet someone, have a few conversations over the phone, go out once and then never see that person again.
Sound familiar? Chances are while you were on your date you discovered a personality that you know you just can’t deal with. It’s not that your date was creepy or malicious; you just know that a long-term relationship with that person won’t work out.
Dating is not about putting people into categories, but there are some personalities that just make a person want to turn and run. You’ve read the 5 Types of Men that Women Avoid, and because we’re all about being fair to both sexes, we have the other side: Five Types of Women that Men Avoid.
1) The Flirty-Bird
Men love women who flirt. Men are drawn to a good flirt because besides being fun and charming, she’s definitely not shy. The flirter shows interest right off the bat, making the “getting to know you” aspect of courtship all the more easy. For a guy, not having to do all the work is a relief.
But there’s a difference between a situational flirt and a serial flirt, and the latter is something that men just don’t want to deal with. A serial flirt giggles, touches, and tosses her hair at everyone: the best friend, the boss, the father. A woman who bats her lashes indiscriminately seems like a challenge at first—How do I get her to just pay attention to me?—but that game gets old really fast.
After a while guys realize that the Flirty-Bird needs constant attention because she’s stricken with major self-esteem issues. An extremely confident and patient man may be able to deal with this kind of behavior, but he’ll probably run himself ragged before realizing that the Flirty-Bird isn’t worth his time.
2) The Commitment-Phile
Imagine that you’re a guy for a second. You meet a fantastic woman and you’re having a great first date. The lighting is just right and the food is perfect. You’re sharing a great conversation and just beginning to get comfortable when…WHAM! Your date starts talking about your wedding location, how many kids she wants and Big Lug, the name of your future dog.
It puts a lot of pressure on a guy right off the bat. In any healthy relationship, the first couple of months—and especially the first couple of dates—should be kept light. A woman who fast-forwards to the happily ever after makes guys wonder if they really are her perfect match. With such a speedy narrative, perhaps her plans are all about fulfilling her dreams regardless of who is standing across from her at the altar.
3) The Cling-On
A needy nuisance, this gal can’t go anywhere or do anything without the company of her man. She adopts his interests, calls 15 times a day and flies off the handle anytime she’s not around to monitor his behavior. The Cling-On is more work than a relationship deserves. She is there at your beck and call and relies on you to entertain her because she basically has no life of her own. The Cling-On smothers any chance of a guy missing her by robbing him of energy and exhausting his patience with her demands.
4) The Party Girl
When men meet this ball of fun, they think she is the life of the party. She’s carefree, maybe a little wild, and from the outside looks like a person they may be interested in. Once they get a closer look, however, they realize that her entire life is a party. While a guaranteed good time may seem like a good idea, what will she be like in the sobering light of day?
Her hilarious antics, outgoing personality and righteous dance moves are good in small doses, but the Party Girl doesn’t know the meaning of “closing time.” It’s hard to have a healthy relationship with a person who is masking major problems underneath his or her party hat. Plus, we all know that people who can’t amuse themselves without mind-altering substances just aren’t any fun when the party is over.
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5) The Windbag
Yakkity Yak. The Windbag is the woman who never shuts up, barely stopping to breathe. Seeming only concerned about what is going on in her life and sharing her prattling insights, this Chatty Cathy also has Drama-Queen tendencies (not good).
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The Windbag’s rambling renditions drive men crazy for obvious reasons, but they also make men feel a little obsolete since they can go on and on without anyone else’s input. Most people think it takes two to have a conversation, but not The Windbag. Women are more verbal than men and get a bad rep for being garrulous. The Windbag, however, doesn’t know that the sound of silence is golden. She needs to learn that the more you talk, the less you learn. Finding Ms. Right While there are exceptions to the aforementioned personality types, these gals present a tough road ahead. Although avoidance of women with potent personality types may make things easier, keep an open mind and remember that your perfect match may not come in the tidy little package that you envision.
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How To Flirt With A Girl Without Being Creepy (Expert Advice)
Guys are often curious to know how to flirt with a woman without coming across as sleazy or creepy. To help, here are some examples of what a makes a guy creepy when he talks to a woman – and what you can do instead. Follow these tips on how to talk to women and you’ll be able to make a charming first impression with the women you meet.
How to attract women with body language
One thing women find creepy in men is when a guy makes eye contact with a woman without ever blinking.
To avoid this common mistake men make when it comes to how to flirt with a woman, you want to focus on making the right kind of eye contact. Avoid leering at a woman and focusing on one particular area of her with a hard, intense, unblinking stare. Instead of honing in tightly like that, you can make women attracted to you right off the bat by using a soft, relaxed gaze that allows you to take more of her in.
One trick to making that kind of charming and inviting eye contact with a woman is to smile with your eyes. That same feeling you get in your eyes after laughing really hard is the same feeling you want to recreate when making eye contact with a woman you’ve never met. It projects friendliness and warmth which will get the girl interested in meeting you.
How to avoid being sleazy with women (with a slight shift in attitude)
So before you even approach a woman, it’s a good idea to ensure that you don’t have her up on a pedestal. Keep in mind that looks are just a small piece of what makes women attractive and ask yourself: “okay, she’s hot, but what else does she have going for her?” Is she fun? Is she caring? Does she have an interesting life? Having standards like this will take her off the pedestal and automatically ease some approach anxiety. It will also help you to naturally come across as a high-value man who is selective and confident with women, which will get more women attracted to you.
Now, there is a trick to how to go about finding the answers to these questions. You don’t want to come out of the gate asking them as that can be overwhelming. Instead, when you first start a conversation with a girl, get the ball rolling with some fun, playful banter (for more on how to start a conversation with a girl and how flirt with a woman using banter, check out the podcast episodes on how to banter with a girl). That will create a relaxed and safe atmosphere and from there you can ask questions that will have her proving to you that she has more going for her than her looks. Questions like “what kind of adventures have you been up to lately”, “so what’s your deal?”, or “what do you do for fun” will keep a fun, light vibe while giving you a chance to learn more about her.
By asking qualification questions like this, you challenge her to prove that she’s more than just a pretty face. That kind of challenge will only make you more attractive to the girl – and in itself can be enough to get her chasing you.
What women want in a man
Another thing that turns women off and makes them feel uneasy about a guy is when a guy appears “fake” – when his words and actions are incongruent with who he is and what he’s feeling. On the other hand, women are attracted to a guy who does the opposite, and shows integrity.
Showing integrity is as simple as standing by your thoughts/opinions/feelings –however, many guys slip up here. They think that to get a woman to like you, you need to agree with everything she says. But that’s not the case. A guy who is afraid to disagree with a woman just shows insecurity, neediness, and a lack of integrity. But by sticking to your guns and being willing to disagree with the girl, you actually become more attractive to women. It shows you’re not seeking approval, and that you’re a secure man who has confidence with women.
Here’s an example of what showing the integrity that women find attractive might look like: If you love Schwarzenegger movies and the girl you’re interested in or her friends say his movies are stupid, don’t start backtracking and say you don’t really like them either. Instead, stand up for yourself (and do it with a smile). Use it as an opportunity to have a bit of fun and start some playful banter with the girl. Maybe respond with something like “What!? Don’t you like Schwarzenegger movies? That’s it, this isn’t working out, I want a divorce. You can keep the beach house, but I want the boat. You never used that thing anyway…”
What to say to a girl you don’t know (without being creepy)
One last thing that can creep women out is when a guy is completely oblivious to social norms and the rules of society. A guy like that might be embarrassing to be with down the road, so she’s not going to be interested in dating him. So when approaching women to make sure you don’t creep them out by demonstrating that you’re a guy who understands social norms – even if you don’t follow them.
For example, meeting women in the daytime is not all that “normal” for many guys. Most guys have too much approach anxiety to approach an attractive girl on the street, subway, grocery store etc. So in situations like this, it can be helpful to demonstrate that you understand that starting a conversation with a girl you don’t know in the middle of the day is outside the norm… you just don’t care.
If you’re approaching a girl in the daytime then, it can be helpful to start the conversation with the girl by saying something like “I know this is a bit weird, but I just wanted to come to meet you”. This shows that you understand the situation and you know you’re doing something out of the ordinary, but you’re confident enough that you don’t give a damn.
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The key to flirting? It’s not about you
That is to say, with bars opening, parties being a thing again and masks coming off across the country — it’s a big summer for flirting, which is hard for some people, even in a normal year, mostly out of fear of rejection, says Jean Smith, author of the book Flirtology: Stop Swiping, Start Talking and Find Love.
«Nobody wants to be rejected, and people will do anything they think will stop them from being rejected,» says Smith, adding that this ultimately results in people doing nothing at all.
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A lot of behaviors are rooted in this fear of rejection. When it comes to dating and flirting, people tend to compare themselves to others to see if they’re good enough or worthy enough or attractive enough, says Smith. Some of these larger issues of self-acceptance and worth are better dealt with in your own time. (Here are a couple of different Life Kit episodes that might help).
But if you’re looking for a few concrete tips to help you get better at flirting, look no further. Nothing corny or weirdly creepy — OK, one slightly corny thing.
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Remember that flirting isn’t about you.
One way to ease the fear of rejection is to view flirting as being more about the other person than about you. «You get a much better result if, instead of trying to get others to make us feel good, we actually concentrate on making them feel good,» says Smith. This takes care of lingering self-doubt that usually presents itself as questions such as «What if they don’t like me?» or «What if I’m not charming or funny enough?»
Part of doing that is to avoid putting your own expectations on the other person.
Jayda Shuavarnnasri is a sexuality and relationship educator who’s seen a lot of flirting driven by a focus on the endgame — trying to get someone’s number (more on this later) or buying someone a drink. This goal-oriented way of viewing flirting isn’t that helpful.
«We’re so used to flirting as a means to an end,» she says.
Shuavarnnasri refers to the «relationship escalator» — the idea that you date someone, enter into a monogamous relationship, get married, have kids, live happily ever after, etc. But if you remove that goal, you’ll hopefully instead just be looking to create a mutually pleasant experience.
Instead of any preconceived goals, aim for a few minutes of pleasant conversation. That’s much more manageable and can help ease the pressure of any possible rejection.
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Be open with your own body language. If all else fails, smile.
Smith often tells people to approach others not based on how attractive you find them, but instead on their body language. Is it friendly? Is it open? These will be the people that it’ll be the most fun to talk to, regardless of whether you end up clicking.
It follows that you should take that advice if you’re hoping to attract people: Keep your shoulders back, don’t cross your arms. This is especially important if you’re more introverted and don’t expect to be making an approach anytime soon.
The most important aspect of body language is your smile, says Michael Rivera, a dating coach at The Date Maven, a dating and matchmaking consultancy. «A happy, genuine smile has a way of lowering walls,» he says. «And if you can get the person you’re trying to connect with to lower their walls a little, you’re already halfway there.»
But a happy, genuine smile can be hard to find. It can even take some practice, which is exactly what Rivera recommends to his clients. Stand in front of a mirror (preferably full body), and try smiling in different ways. This is the one corny thing I alluded to earlier, which is the usual reaction Rivera gets. But he says that after a half-dozen times, you get used to it and get more comfortable and confident with it, and «that’s how you’re going to start to show up.»
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Open with a question.
Don’t overthink this one. Simple questions like «have you been here before?» or «how do you know so and so?» will do just fine. These are just small ways to get people to open up. You can also try gearing your questions toward their likes — «What do you recommend?» «Are there any good places to eat around here?» Let people share their likes and interests, and from there, all you have to do is listen.
Test and assess.
As you talk with people, take the time to check in on how they’re reacting to you. Are they offering short, one-word answers? Have they stepped back? Are they looking away? Then it might be time to leave. That isn’t really a bad thing — particularly if you remember that flirting isn’t about hitting any preconceived personal goal, other than helping someone else have a good time. Sometimes that means bouncing out of the conversation.
«There’s a level of confidence to that,» says Rivera. Going back to that fear of rejection for a bit, if all you’re hoping to do is make someone else feel special for a bit, «you really realize you actually can’t lose.»
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Say goodbye (either for good or just for now).
If you’re getting the sense that it’s time to go, there are a few ways to go about it. If you’re with someone, a simple «Hey, it’s been great chatting, but I should get back to my friends» ought to do. If you’re by yourself, just go about doing whatever it is you went there to do — order your coffee or whatever. This is a relatively frictionless way to make an exit, says Rivera.
Now, if you’re not sure about how the conversation is going, give them an out. «Hey if you gotta go, it’s OK» or «Let me know if you wanna get back to your friends,» work just fine, says Shuavarnnasri.
If there is something there, Smith recommends ending the conversation and coming back later. «Repeat points of contact are really powerful,» she says. So you could be chatting with someone for five minutes and assess (remember!) that things are going well. After ending it and giving it some time, you can approach them again and talk about stuff you’d mentioned in that first chat. Do that a couple of more times, and if vibes are vibing, then it’s time for us to talk about the number.
Don’t ask for their number.
People have different feelings about handing out their phone number. To Shuavarnnasri, it goes back to the culture of getting something out of an interaction. «If you’re a stranger I’ve never met, I don’t feel the need to give you anything, including my personal information.»
If you’re a stranger I’ve never met, I don’t feel the need to give you anything, including my personal information.
So try giving your number to someone. It’s a small way of upending the usual power dynamics that come with flirting, and it eases some of the tension that might come with asking for someone’s number. Let people decide for themselves if they want to hit you up. Because it’s really about them.
The audio portion of this episode was produced by Andee Tagle.
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