What makes a woman angry in a relationship?
Understanding what makes you angry & why in relationships & post breakup part one
Following on from my previous post about being afraid to feel angry in relationships and post breakup, where I explained how you may feel that anger is a bad thing, or struggle to express it, or believe that someone else’s feelings may take precedence over yours invalidating your own feelings, I wanted to open up the discussion to understanding what makes you angry and why, because it will help you deal with your anger and figure out what to do and get your power back.
Much like when we argue with someone and there’s the top level reason (what you think you’re arguing about) and the sub level ‘real’ reason (what you’re actually arguing about), understanding what makes you angry requires you to go beyond the surface reason.
Most of the time, what makes you angry in relationships is feeling frustrated that things are not going your way (out of control) and feeling unloved/uncared for and disrespected.
Being involved in dubious relationships will have you looking for love in the wrong places whilst expecting the ‘right’ things to happen, which is of course going to cause you to feel frustrated, and have you feeling uncared for, unloved, and very often disrespected, which amounts to a lot of anger, even if you don’t ‘feel’ it or ‘deal’ with it.
Looking at examples of consistent causes of anger when we have low self-esteem and get into dodgy relationships, I found that the common complaints for why we feel angry, fall into common sub groups that feed into the frustration and being uncared for and disrespected – being undervalued, having your trust abused, shame, and rejection.
Feeling frustrated and unloved/uncared for and disrespected because we’re undervalued.
Feeling unheard or ignored.
Remember all the ‘man hours’ you put in trying to get them to understand your point of view?
We believe that people who are ‘heard’ and ‘seen’ are perceived to be ‘valued’ however, often when you try to get attention and validation from people, it tends to be the type who are unlikely to ‘hear’ or ‘see’ you. Sometimes it comes down to speaking up or communicating differently to make yourself heard and noticed, but it’s also about recognising when someone is never going to value you in the way that you want to be valued and moving on to focus your energies in a more positive direction.
Failure to get validation about someone else’s wrongdoing towards you by show of remorse, apology etc.
Remember all the ‘man hours’ you put in trying to get them to feel even a teensy insy winsy bit of remorse? Remember the fantasy of them coming back grovelling and begging forgiveness?
This is seeking what we perceive as natural justice and vindication. However, you might not get that direct apology or remorse, and even then, it’s unlikely to make as much of a difference as you think. Staying angry and holding out for what you think you deserve is demoralising and energy sucking. Even worse, you’ll internalise the lack of justice and believe it’s a reflection on you. Remember, remorse and apologies are not necessarily going to happen when you expect – trust that what someone puts out, is what they’ll get back and that at some point, karma will prove to be a bitch. Move on because the fact that you’re trapped in anger and your life is at a halt, is down to you, not them.
Feeling that we’re being put down and undermined.
Remember those times when you felt about two feet tall?
Recognising that you either have to gain back your power by standing up for yourself, or gain back your power by opting out of giving someone the opportunity to put you down or undermine you.
Feeling that other people are not doing enough to change.
Remember all the ‘man hours’ you put in trying to get him to revert to the man you thought he was, or become the man you thought he could be?
Believing that people who love and value you will change for you – Being frustrated at someone’s lack of change is taking the focus off yourself and putting it on them. You’re trying to control what you can’t control. Basing your potential for happiness on someone else changing is limiting and guaranteed path to misery.
Your needs and expectations are not being met.
Remember all the ‘man hours’ you put in trying to get them on the same page in the hope of having your needs and expectations met?
Believing that people who love and value you meet your needs and expectations, even though it may not be clear what these needs and expectations are or you may be expecting this from people who are incapable of meeting your needs and expectations. ‘If they loved me, they’d know what I need and what I expect’ or ”I shouldn’t have to spell it out if they really want to be with me’. By knowing how to take care of our own needs and expectations, we realise when someone else isn’t and get out – personal security. It’s also good to communicate our needs and expectations – you can sanity check your thinking and gain assurance that the other party is on board.
The frustration will persist as long as you 1) don’t know your own value, 2) let other’s determine your value, and 3) seek validation from people who are not ‘equipped’, ‘qualified’, or ‘worthy’ of validating you.
Feeling frustrated and unloved/uncared for and disrespected because we’re our trust is abused.
Feeling taken advantage of.
What boundaries do you leave open for them to take advantage of? If you love and trust without boundaries and consequences and hope you’ll be rewarded with love, it will be abused. You are right to feel angry at being taken advantage of but you gain your power back by recognising what has been taken advantage of and recognising that it is dangerous to love and trust blindly – we must assess the risk to ourselves. The answer is not to distrust everyone out of anger because this reflects the anger and distrust you feel towards yourself. Learn from the experience and take more care of yourself.
Being taken for a fool. Being lied to. Being cheated. Being deceived.
If this happens on a habitual basis, it’s important to recognise where you are cloaking yourself with illusions. What are you denying and ignoring to stick with your illusion? What signs do you ignore? Of course it’s normal to be angry that someone has told you lies – the key is to make sure that there are consequences to the deceit for that person, and also that you don’t provide a fertile ground in the future for further lies because you’d rather stick with the illusions, not ask too many questions, avoid conflict, or avoid uncomfortable truths.
Dealing with someone who undermines what has been promised and agreed with passive aggression.
The only way to combat this is to not place too heavy a reliance on words and make sure that actions match words and that you call people on it when they renege on agreements and create consequences – it’s frustrating to continue to expect from someone who continuously backtracks and underdelivers – you are bound to be angry but it’s important to recognise that you’re setting yourself up for further anger by continuing to expect and not see them for what they are.
Feeling that you give too much – something I refer to as overgiving.
Know your value. People can’t take what you don’t give. Recognise that giving so much doesn’t yield positive results and you shouldn’t have to give so much to get people to ‘value’ you because they value you for the wrong reasons. If they give you a crumb and you keep throwing a loaf, it’s a disproportionate response – rein it back in because when you overgive, you put people on pedestals which means that they look down on you, which will anger you eventually and lower your self-esteem, which will cause you to stick around and give more and get less which will create even more anger. Stop overgiving and let life unfold because if people are dependent on taking advantage of your misguided generosity, you’ll find out all too quickly.
We feel ‘robbed’.
This is where it’s important to get real with yourself because often the anger that is held onto, where you feel you’ve been cheated and robbed, is trying to hold onto the illusion of what you thought would happen based on illusions and ignoring of red flags. Being real will help you to work through the anger, but also to see you’ve made a lucky escape.
Feeling that you’ve been treated really unfairly and that you have even been targeted, which in turn can cause you to feel like a victim, which in turn will cause you to feel powerless.
Even if you are justified in feeling that you have been treated unfairly, you will render yourself helpless if you assume the victim role and this will create a feeling of inertia. When you have a pattern of being in unhealthy relationships that diminish your self-esteem and create a lot of pain, whilst it doesn’t change the other persons poor actions, you gain back your power by understanding what your pattern is so that you don’t find yourself in the same position. Whilst it is initially painful and frustrating to know that you have some accountability, you get to put yourself back in the driving seat of your life.
The frustration will persist as long as you 1) don’t trust yourself, 2) have little or no boundaries and don’t impose limits, and 3) don’t believe that you’re someone who is a valuable entity.
Back in part two where I’ll look at shame and rejection, plus how we get angry because these experiences remind us of previous hurts and frustrations.
How to Deal With an Angry Wife?
The quote Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned transcends its original meaning. No man wants to see his wife’s angry side. Anger is detrimental to a relationship or marriage if not properly handled. Hence, if you have an angry wife, you need to know how to extinguish her embers.
Wives can get angry with you for a plethora of reasons, and most times, husbands have no clue why. And when a woman is angry, the whole house could be on fire. It is imperative to mention that wives do not remain angry forever.
You have to be a sensible husband to make your angry wife happy.
Understanding anger in women
For men to understand anger in their wives , they need to be sensitive and observant.
Just as many men know what makes their wives tick, they should pay equal attention to what makes their wives angry. A man who fails to understand how to manage his wife’s anger might lose her.
The last thing a woman wants to hear when they are angry is a piece of advice or correction.
Sadly, many men make this mistake. When women are angry, you need to find out the reason and appeal to them to calm down. Anything other than this would end up compounding the reason for her anger.
What does an angry wife look like?
What an angry wife looks like is relative as it depends on her temperament . There are some angry wives who keep to themselves when angry. They prefer not to utter any word because they don’t want to say the wrong things.
On the other hand, some angry wives go about their daily business like nothing happened. However, their mannerisms and dispositions will tell you that they are very angry, and you should be careful of how you behave around them.
Hence, you need to observe your wife and know how she behaves when she is angry. Observing her over time will help you know how to handle her when she gets angry.
10 reasons why your wife is angry
Does your wife get angry at every action you take or any word you utter?
It could be because of some reasons that will be treated below. When you notice your wife is always angry and negative, remember any of these reasons and seek to please her.
Below are 10 reasons why your wife may be angry.
If you are wondering why my wife gets angry over little things, it might be because she is on her menstrual cycle . During this period, she is likely to snap at anything you do. Rather than get defensive, exercise patience with her.
For common questions like my wife is always angry and unhappy, it might be her inability to cope with unfulfilled expectations . All you need do is encourage her and advise her to be patient.
3. Sexual starvation/frustration
A wife always angry at her husband could be because she is sexually starved or frustrated . Not all women with high libido get angry during sexual neglect. However, if your wife gets angry easily, it could be because you are not attending optimally to her sexual needs.
4. Financial instability
Everyone wants to be financially stable, so we might act angrily if we don’t have enough money to meet our needs. When dealing with an angry wife, consider that your wife might be reacting to the financial lack in the hope.
If you are facing financial issues , encourage your wife to join you in putting heads together to bring up long-lasting solutions.
5. Work-related stress
The stress from work can produce a pissed-off wife. When you notice this, ensure you are the emotional shoulder for her to vent.
All you have to do is give her a warm hug, prepare her favorite meal and make her a warm bath. It is important to make her feel less stressed and angry rather than act insensitively to her problems.
If your wife has anger issues, she might be struggling with self-condemnation. This self-condemnation is because she is angry at her past actions .
It is important to get to understand what she is angry at and help her address it. Always remind her that the past should not affect her future plans and that she is meant for greatness.
If a woman is jealous of something else, she can become angry and transfer the aggression to you. Everyone around her would be tagged the enemy, and you must be careful not to aggravate the issue.
To help your wife get over her jealousy , remind her of her uniqueness and always reiterate how amazing she is.
Not all women can handle rejection, and this is why some of them get angry.
If you unintentionally ignore your woman and she notices it, she will be vengeful. It is difficult to handle a spouse with rage, so the best move is to give her care and attention. Also, remind her that she means so much to you.
When you make other women the center of your admiration and attraction, your woman becomes insecure and angry. When men ask why my wife is always mad at me, it is because they don’t know they have sidelined their wives.
An angry wife in this position will tell you plainly that she is not happy with you. To ease her angry nerves, stop focusing on other women and make your wife the center of your world.
10. Past abuse
If a woman suffered physical, emotional, or sexual abuse as a young girl, it makes them unstable, combative, and defensive.
For some, it affects their self-esteem and makes them angry when they think about it. You can help your wife by understanding her plight and reminding her that you will continue to support her.
How to deal with an angry wife?
Anger can play havoc in the relationship and can be detrimental to both the partners. Certain strategies can help you keep the relationship in shape.
For example, you can always aim at diffusing the situation whenever the fight erupts. Besides, when your wife has calmed down, use that moment as an opportunity to talk to her about the core issues that are leading to situational anger.
In any case, you must not face the situation with anger. The purpose is to solve the problem through influence and not control.
10 ways to make your angry wife happy
Your home will lack the happiness and vibes it used to have when your wife was in a good mood. Many men have noticed this sad atmosphere in their home, and this is why they ask how to deal with an angry wife.
If you want to make her happy, it is a feasible mission.
Below are 10 ways to make your angry wife happy.
1. Apologize for your shortcomings
When a woman is angry with you, try not to be defensive.
One of the reasons why marriage problems linger is because the man, rather than apologize for his inactions, gets defensive. When there is a problem and your wife is angry, apologize for your mistakes and promise to do better.
2. Try to make her calm down
If your wife screams and yells all the time, it might be because you don’t know how to calm her down.
Men who don’t know how to calm their wives end up receiving more backlash. When she is angry, don’t say hurtful things to her. Tell her sweet words that will calm her nerves.
3. Listen to her complaints
There is always a pending issue behind every woman’s anger. All you need do is pay attention to her complaints to ensure she doesn’t get angry again. If she complains of a particular issue, assure her you will change.
4. Put your ego aside
If you are not ready to put your ego aside, your wife will remain angry at you. When you are trying to make your wife happy, deflate your ego. When you put your ego aside, you will see things from her perspective .
5. Surprise her
When your wife is angry, try to win back her love by making her happy . You can surprise her with things that naturally make her happy. Your wife will know that you are trying to win her back, and she will cooperate.
6. Give her breathing space and time
Depending on the peculiarity of the case, if you have a wife with anger issues, you can give her some time to be alone. Sometimes, if a woman is angry at husband, she wants to be alone , and you have to respect her decision.
7. Show her compassion
They might not say it, but an angry woman needs you to feel her pain and suffering. Although her behavior might be frustrating, you must be patient with her. Soon, she will warm up to you.
8. Be intentional about amending your mistakes
No one loves living with an angry wife, so you have to show her you are sorry about your mistakes. If you make the same mistakes, your wife could get angry again, and it could be worse again.
9. Give your wife a warm hug
If you have ever asked questions like she is angry with me, what should I do? One strategy that works wonders is giving your wife a warm hug. You don’t have to say anything; draw her close, give her a warm hug and plant a kiss on her cheeks.
10. Order her favorite food
Every woman has their favorite food, and this is one of the first things to know about her. Whenever she is angry, you can order her favorite food online. When she sees this loving act, she will revert to her normal self.
Have you ever done something to incur your wife’s wrath? Were you confused about what to do to make her happy? Having read this article you are better informed to understand possible reasons why your wife is angry and strategies to make her happy.
You need to understand that provided your wife is happy; your marriage will be peaceful.
Watch to learn more:
What makes a woman angry in a relationship?
Rejection A woman who doesn’t know how to handle rejection will be an angry woman. She will seek revenge. If she is your woman and she feels ignored by you, she might bang doors, shout or be cold; the best way to handle such a woman is to give her attention and care.
What makes a woman get angry?
Some common anger triggers include: personal problems, such as missing a promotion at work or relationship difficulties. a problem caused by another person such as cancelling plans.
What triggers anger in a relationship?
Anger may be elicited by frustration, verbal insult, physical aggression, perceptions of unfairness and injustice, etc. Because anger is also linked to aggression, anger has the potential to cause harm. For those in relationships, angry feelings might also fuel a vicious cycle of mutual anger and destructive behaviors.
How do you deal with an angry woman in a relationship?
No man wants to see his wife’s angry side. Anger is detrimental to a relationship or marriage if not properly handled.
10 ways to make your angry wife happy
- Apologize for your shortcomings. .
- Try to make her calm down. .
- Listen to her complaints. .
- Put your ego aside. .
- Surprise her.
Why a girl is angry at you?
News Flash: When a woman is consistently angry at YOU, it’s because she’s trying to get your attention. Being ignored can look like many things. Obviously, we’re not responsible for someone else’s emotions, but if you’re in a relationship, it’s important to remember that women thrive on intimacy.
How To Deal With An Angry Spouse? Sadhguru Answers
How do you tell if a woman is angry with you?
Top 5 Signs that She is Mad at You
- She answers only in monosyllables.
- Her tone has changed.
- She is sweet to everyone else but you.
- She hasn’t done much house work.
- She rolls her eyes a lot.
What to do if she is angry with you?
What to Do When Your Girlfriend Is Mad at You (10+ Steps to Take)
- Give her space if she asked for it.
- Look at things from her perspective.
- Give her a sincere apology.
- Let her vent a bit.
- Make it up to her.
- Demonstrate you’ve changed.
- Make her smile.
- Give her a big old bear hug.
How do you comfort an angry woman?
Tips to Calm Your Girlfriend Down When She is Mad or Hurt
- Give Her Flowers. Flowers are believed to make people feel instantly happy. .
- Talk To Her. .
- Listen to Her. .
- A Hug Would be Nice. .
- Say Sorry with Gifts. .
- Treat Her. .
- Be Humorous.
Does anger destroy relationships?
The psychological impact of anger isn’t just damaging to the individual, but it also destroys relationships, families, and cripples our ability to build deep connections with others because we push people away from getting close.
How do you escape an angry woman?
To calm an angry person, try to de-escalate the situation by listening to them and saying things like “I understand how that could be frustrating” to validate their feelings. Additionally, offer a sincere apology if you did something to make them angry.
What are 3 anger triggers?
Everyone has their own triggers for what makes them angry, but some common ones include situations in which we feel:
- threatened or attacked.
- frustrated or powerless.
- like we’re being invalidated or treated unfairly.
- like people are not respecting our feelings or possessions.
Is anger a form of love?
Anger is a connection to love. A form of love. A form of love that means we stand up for others and for ourselves, we shout loudly that things are not ok, we protect others, we take a stand, and we fight for what’s right. It’s a form of love.
Is anger Linked to love?
When someone or something compromises your passions, anger may be a natural response. “Anger is the result of love. It is energy for defense of something you love when it is threatened.”
Why she get angry without any reason?
Sometimes, physiological processes, such as hunger, chronic pain, fear, or panic can also provoke anger for no apparent reason. Anger can also be a symptom of a mental health issue, such as bipolar disorder, mood disorder, or eurosis.