What makes marriage last longer?
What Makes a Good Marriage / Relationship
There are many factors that contribute to a satisfying marriage/relationship such as; Love, Commitment, Trust, Time, Attention, Good Communication including Listening , Partnership, Tolerance, Patience, Openness, Honesty, Respect, Sharing, Consideration, Generosity, Willingness/Ability to Compromise, Constructive management of Disagreements/Arguments, Willingness to see another’s viewpoint, Ability and Willingness to Forgive/Apologise, Fun. The list is simple and obvious yet it can be very difficult for individuals /couples to restore their marriage/relationship to a satisfying one when difficulties arise or when they drift apart.
There are many areas of closeness that can enhance a marriage/relationship, help it to remain strong and help it to get back on track when it has become distant/difficult. Sometimes couples feel that things are not right between them, they wonder what is wrong and what they can do?
The following four areas of closeness can help guide a couple in assessing how their relationship is and can also guide a couple in how to become closer and improve their relationship when difficulties arise, or when they have become distant from one another.
Areas of Closeness
Doing things Together Physical Closeness
Emotional Closeness Sexual Closeness
None of the four areas above are more important than each other but each can help another area to thrive and all together they can help a relationship become more satisfying, closer, more intimate
Doing Things Together
It is important that couples spend time together. With busy lives, many commitments and children to care for couples can find themselves with very little time for each other. Spending time together regularly, shopping, dining out, going to the cinema, walking, swimming,involvement in sports, exercising, sharing hobbies and holidays can help couples become closer and have more time to talk and therefore get to know one another better.
It is important for a couple to be close physically. This can include eye contact, holding hands, hugging, sitting close together, massaging one another. More opportunities for physical closeness will enhance a couple’s sense of closeness and intimacy. It is important for couples to be conscious that some individuals are more comfortable being physically demonstrative than others and it is important to try to understand how comfortable or otherwise your spouse/partner is and take it from there.
Emotional closeness will help couples get to know and understand each other more deeply and also have empathy for each other. It involves being open with each other about feelings, thoughts, beliefs, values, hopes, worries, fears, dreams and ambitions. Attentive listening enhances emotional closeness when both individuals listen in order to get to know and understand their spouse/partner more fully, rather than to disagree, judge, blame oror criticise their spouse/partner.
It is important that both individuals are happy with their couple sexual relationship and feel able to raise and discuss their sexual relationship with the other as needed. Sometimes couples can be very concerned about the frequency of their sexual activity. As long as both individuals are happy with the frequency and the nature of their sexual activity there is no need for them to be concerned or to compare their sexual relationship to those portrayed in the media or those reported by others of their acquaintance, both of which can be at variance with reality.
Making marriage last — what is the key?
What can a married couple do to ensure that their marriage will last? The first and most important issue is one of obedience to God and His Word. This is a principle that should be in force before the marriage begins. God says, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3). For the born-again believer, this means not beginning a close relationship with anyone who is not also a believer. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). If this one principle were followed, it would save a lot of heartache and suffering later in marriages.
Another principle that would protect the longevity of a marriage is that the husband should obey God and love, honor, and protect his wife as he would his own body (Ephesians 5:25–31). The corresponding principle is that the wife should obey God and submit to her own husband “as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). The marriage between a man and a woman is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. Christ gave Himself for the church, and He loves, honors, and protects her as His “bride” (Revelation 19:7–9).
Building on the foundation of a godly marriage, many couples find practical ways to help make their marriages last: spending quality time together; saying, “I love you” often; being kind; showing affection; offering compliments; going on dates; writing notes; giving gifts; and being ready to forgive, for example. All these actions are encompassed by the Bible’s instructions to husbands and wives.
When God brought Eve to Adam in the first marriage, she was made from his “flesh and bone” (Genesis 2:21) and they became “one flesh” (Genesis 2:23–24). Becoming one flesh means more than just a physical union. It means a meeting of the mind and soul to form one unit. This relationship goes far beyond sensual or emotional attraction and into the realm of spiritual “oneness” that can only be found as both partners surrender to God and each other. This relationship is not centered on “me and my” but on “us and our.” This is one of the secrets to a lasting marriage.
Making a marriage last for a lifetime is something both partners have to make a priority. Couples whose marriages last celebrate their commitment to each other. Many couples make it a point not to even speak of divorce, even in anger. Solidifying one’s vertical relationship with God goes a long way toward ensuring the horizontal relationship between a husband and wife is a lasting, God-honoring one.
A couple who desires their marriage to last must learn how to deal with problems. Prayer, Bible study, and mutual encouragement are good. And there is nothing wrong with seeking outside help; in fact, one of the purposes of the church is to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24). A struggling couple should seek advice from an older Christian couple, a pastor, or a biblical marriage counselor.
8 Ways to make your marriage last forever
Marriages are made in heaven, but the two people involved in that bond make it last. Every person who gets married wants it to last. Nobody wants that love and spark to vanish. Here are eight simple secrets to make your bond last forever!
- BE GRATEFUL
Gratitude is the perfect reminder of why we first fell in love. It reminds us about little things we did to earn that person’s heart. Being grateful doesn’t mean always making big gestures. It means using words like thankyou. Showing gratitude means that the husband and wife are satisfied with each other. If you feel gratitude towards someone, it’s almost impossible to hide those feelings.
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When two people with different backgrounds live together after marriage, it’s crucial for them to adjust to each other’s needs. Being adjusting means learning new habits and forgetting their old ones. The key to adjusting is knowing how to share and be patient. Stay true to yourself as well as your spouse.
- NO TO CRITICISM
It is said that if we don’t stop criticism, it might end a beautiful relationship. Criticism feels like an attack on a person’s character or personality. It is targeting someone to point out their minor flaws. When two people live together, it is evident that they might find flaws and weaknesses in another person very quickly. If someone feels that the other person is doing wrong, they should correct them politely.
- SURPRISE WITH LITTLE THINGS
Relationships shouldn’t be monotonous. The element of surprise is essential to ignite the spark in a relationship. Surprise doesn’t mean taking your partner to Paris every year. Small gestures like bringing breakfast to bed, saying I love you, volunteering to help, etc. All these small gestures are a reminder that you care for each other.
Every relationship is based on give and take. For a marriage to be successful, one should know how to work as a team. It works both ways. It would help if you prioritized what is important to you. One should state their needs very clearly to ensure their needs are not being suppressed. Another way of compromising is to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and understand their perspective.
- GROWING TOGETHER
Growing together is the most necessary quality for a relationship to last forever. This is precisely how you know that this person is right for you. There’s always scope for evolving, and hence a couple should be able to do it together. It is essential to give each other mental and emotional space to grow. If someone cannot succeed while staying in the relationship, that marriage won’t last.
“A relationship without communication is like human life without oxygen; it dies.”
Communication is essential to get to know each other, set expectations, and avoid misunderstandings. To communicate effectively, one should avoid talking via text/call. Words play a critical role in this and can lead to hurt feelings. It is imperative to understand others’ feelings as sometimes some fail to put their emotions into words. The 24-hour rule is significant here, i.e., to never sleep on an argument.
- DON’T PLAN
To think that you can plan out your entire relationship is the first mistake. Life has its ups and downs. One can not plan out every single thing.