What personality type attracts narcissists?
INTJ Narcissist: Personality Type Or Personality Disorder?
I’ve met quite a few people calling themselves INTJs to justify their narcissistic behavior.
And on the other hand, I’ve seen INTJs being called narcissists for being themselves. Me included.
Now, is there any relation between the two?
Is every INTJ narcissist, and the other way around?
Let’s debunk that now.
Table of Contents
Are INTJs Narcissists?
Or, let’s talk about taking up the leadership role.
Narcissists love being leaders. More often than not, they don’t make great leaders – but they still choose to take up the role.
INTJs, on the other hand, don’t really like being leaders. The role requires too much social interaction, which drains them up. Now, they won’t fret about taking up leadership when they’re the best person for the job. But INTJs will never choose to lead if they’re unskilled in the role.
The difference between a narcissist and an INTJ person is clear in their image.
Narcissists care very much about how others perceive them, which often causes them to create a false, idealized persona. This typically stems from their need to hide their insecurities and to appear “better than others.”
INTJs don’t really have that problem. Generally, people with this personality type couldn’t care less about what others think of them.
Because of their insecurities, narcissists take criticism to heart and can react very turbulently. INTJs, on the other hand, don’t hate criticism when it’s constructive. No one really likes being criticized, of course, but INTJs know how to take it and learn from it.
Narcissism at a Glance
Now, can an INTJ suffer from NPD?
Given that cause of the disorder is way beyond a person’s influence, it has nothing to do with their MBTI type.
And in the case of someone with an INTJ personality type, this disorder can be especially challenging.
Now, of course, dealing with narcissism is difficult, regardless of your MBTI type. But when you add INTJ personality traits into the equation, you’re in for a ride.
INTJs already have a hard time connecting to other people. They can appear distant and cold. But as narcissists, they’re also very assertive and overly confident, which others will find too repulsive.
Plus, many INTJ traits are in complete contrast with narcissism.
While INTJs don’t care about others’ approval and admiration, narcissists live for it. And when you’re both of them, you’re in constant battle with your goals and desires.
In order for an INTJ to deal with narcissism, the first step is realizing there’s a problem.
Hopefully, this is where their rational side should win, resulting in them seeking treatment from mental health professional.
NPD is not an easy disorder to treat since there’s no medicine for it. The only treatment is psychotherapy, which requires time and patience. But given how INTJs are determined and motivated by the big picture, they can have great outcomes.
Have other narcissism-related questions? Here’s a short FAQ that should solve any doubts you might have.
Which MBTI is most narcissistic?
If we’re talking about healthy levels of narcissism, that’s most apparent with the ESTP Myers Briggs personality type. People with this personality type are very extroverted, charismatic, and love being the center of attention.
What MBTI attracts narcissists?
INFPs are magnets for narcissists. People with this personality type are very empathetic to people around them. However, they can also be very emotionally vulnerable and too focused on pleasing others. That, of course, attracts narcissists. And relationship with a narcissist is very difficult to deal with.
What is the unhealthy side of INTJ?
When unhealthy, INTJs can express their unhealthy side, which can be close to some narcissistic tendencies. Namely, they can be overly dismissive of other people’s opinions and feelings. They can also be very defensive of their opinions, which makes them appear rude and assertive.
To Sum Things Up
INTJs may share some characteristics with narcissism, such as confidence and selfishness. However, they are not more or less likely to be narcissists compared to any other types. That’s something determined by biological or socio-environmental factors, not a personality type.
Narcissism isn’t an easy disorder to treat. But since INTJs value rationality and improvement, they might be able to deal with it better than other MBTI types.
Wonder if there’s any truth to INTJ stereotypes? Check out our article that debunks myths from the truth.
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3 Reasons Why INFJs Are The Favorite Targets Of Narcissists
Anyone can be the target of a narcissistic, toxic person. Yet INFJs, touted to be the rarest Myers-Briggs personality type, tend to be surprisingly overrepresented among victims of narcissists. This might seem startling at first when one considers that the INFJ is a very authentic personality type who should not (at least on the surface) be compatible with someone who wears a false mask and exploits others.
Yet upon taking a closer look, it actually makes a lot of sense. Narcissists love to surround themselves with “unique and special” people (in fact, it’s part of their diagnostic criteria). The INFJ is definitely one of a kind – and there are many qualities, traits and resources that an INFJ usually has that make them ideal prey for these predators.
Here are three major reasons why INFJs tend to fall prey to narcissists – and why narcissists gravitate towards them.
1. INFJs are always looking for the ideal romance and a narcissist’s love-bombing initially looks like everything they’ve ever dreamed of.
As INFJs, we tend to be highly perfectionistic and idealistic. We do not settle for just anyone – we want someone who fulfills us emotionally, sexually, spiritually, and intellectually. Unfortunately, the INFJ’s high standards can become their downfall when it comes to meeting a highly manipulative predator.
Narcissists are masters of love-bombing us and mirroring our deepest needs and desires – down to the every last detail. They excel in creating an alluring, false persona based on what they think we want in a partner. At the onset, they are talented wordsmiths, swoon-inducing smooth-talkers and faux poets who declare their so-called everlasting devotion to us. Unsurprisingly, it isn’t long before they’re fast-forwarding us into a fantasy relationship.
Since INFJs tend to be heavily oriented towards communication and words of affirmation, we find ourselves trapped by the emotional bait – hook, line, and sinker. It doesn’t help that we also tend to have highly active imaginations that can spin even the crumbs that a narcissist gives us into the potential for paradise.
So it’s no wonder that when we encounter someone who seems to match every criteria on our “ideal partner” list, we fall for them easily – and we fall hard. Meanwhile, the narcissist rejoices that he or she has found a shiny new object, a target willing to believe in and invest in the fantasy of their false self.
As INFJs, it’s important that we slow down when meeting new people and resist the urge to project our own level of integrity or empathy onto people. Not everyone is looking out for our best interest. We can make a far better use of our creativity and imagination by using them to create the life of our dreams, rather than to concoct a fairytale out of a nightmare.
2. Narcissists are always looking for empathic partners – people with compassion, integrity and conscientiousness – to exploit. INFJs have all of these qualities in spades.
Manipulators don’t usually target those without empathy, talents or resources. They exploit people with strengths that they can use for their own advantage. They “feed” upon those who are willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and who are willing to see their perspective (however toxic it may be). INFJs are notorious for their warmth and love for helping others, even to the point of trying to “fix” them. They are highly visible in their generosity and concern for others. As a result, they are a bright light that often attracts the darkness of the narcissist.
The narcissist benefits immensely from this because all they have to do is pretend to be the “broken” person who just needs some love and good old fixing to morph back into the person they pretended to be initially. They know they can get away with toxic behavior because you’ll try to “heal” them. They’ll dangle the hope of giving you the relationship you want by giving you false promises of changing.
Unfortunately for toxic narcissists, INFJs do eventually stop trying once they’ve seen the contempt behind the narcissist’s mask far too many times. INFJs, after all, are known for the infamous “door slam” on people who emotionally overwhelm them.
The feistiness of an INFJ can come in handy when detaching from a toxic partner, even though it may take some time to finally cut the cord. As an INFJ, don’t be afraid to use the power of your emotions to help you detox from a toxic narcissist. Get back in touch with your authentic outrage and use it to leave anyone who disrespects you continually. When the cord is finally cut, INFJs who stand in their full power have a remarkable ability to never look back.
3. An INFJ’s intuition is sharp and discerning, but their sensitivity can and will be used against them.
Since INFJs tend to be highly intuitive and sensitive, they pick up on micro-signals of danger pretty quickly. They can sense when someone is inauthentic. They may even know on a subconscious level that the person they’re with is toxic. However, because they’ve been gaslighted by society into believing that they’re too sensitive, they are prone to second-guessing themselves. And because they tend to be quite faithful and devout partners, they usually prioritize the relationship over their own safety or sanity.
The irony is that while they tend to be very intuitive people, an INFJ who has not fully owned their gifts may rationalize or minimize red flags, deny their gut instincts or silence their inner voice at the expense of their own welfare. They are so devoted and loyal to the relationship that they become disloyal to themselves and what they know deep down to be true.
The key for any INFJ afraid of becoming entangled with another narcissist is to reconnect to their inner voice and guidance system – and to learn to own their power without apologies. The good news is, INFJs can use the same strengths that narcissists used against them to help detach from, rather than become overly invested in toxic people. They can use their intuition to flee a toxic relationship in the early stages – and they can use their fierce devotion to justice to cut ties with a person treating them unjustly – before it’s too late.
People with type A personalities attract narcissists, but a relationship between the two is a recipe for disaster
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- Narcissists know exactly who to target.
- Often they go after people with high levels of empathy.
- But they also target people who are type A.
- Having a type A personality means you’re a go-getter, and you push others to succeed.
- But they also tend to over-give and work hard to understand other people.
- Sometimes, this can lead them down a dark path.
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Type A people are the go-getters in life. They’re impatient because time is an important resource to them to achieve all of their goals and meet their incredibly high standards.
They have many strengths, like being inspirational and pushing others to succeed. But their traits can also make type A people targets for narcissists.
One reason for this, according to psychologist and dark personality expert Perpetua Neo, is they tend to want to give somebody more than what they receive.
«Someone who is extremely type A with a problem receiving. will say no to any favours no matter how small,» Neo said. «This is really good bait for the narcissist, because narcissists tend to be freeloaders.»
Type As want to understand people
Type As also tend not to feel very well understood, because they pursue perfection and excellence «in a world that wants you to be vanilla or mediocre,» Neo said.
So they might work especially hard to try and understand other people. In psychology trying to fix the pain in your past with current relationships is called repetition compulsion, and it’s a sign you haven’t worked through your trauma.
Add this to the fact type As are very logical and try to find an explanation for everything, and you have a «perfect storm» for a toxic relationship with a narcissist, Neo said.
«They tend to want to understand the cause, for instance, ‘why is my partner so impulsive, or why does my partner get into a rage or drink so much?» Neo said.
«But the problem is the person themselves. You’ll never know the real cause because they’re going to keep moving the finishing posts, and you’re too busy with their smoke and mirrors to realise the problem is the narcissist.»
Being a type A with empathy is a perfect storm
Narcissists use excuses to keep their victims hooked. They can use sob stories and even pretend to have mental health disorders to get their victims to feel sympathy. That’s why empaths often get sucked into toxic partnerships with them.
«When you’re empathetic as well you try to understand and over-give and repair and save your narcissist, because an empath likes to save,» Neo said. «Type As have amazing tenacity and perseverance, so they don’t give up. You basically have a perfect storm, a ticking time bomb.»
Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist and author of «The Empath’s Survival Guide,» told INSIDER in a previous article that people with high levels of empathy end up blaming themselves, so put more and more into the relationship, even though they’re getting nothing back.
«It’s so hard for many empaths to believe that somebody just doesn’t have empathy, and that they can’t heal the other person with their love,» she said.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist’s worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
In the aftermath, they tend to learn from the experience and fortify any gaps where the narcissist got in.
«Narcissists know how to hurt people and how to use people, but there’s no longevity in that,» Neo said. «Because eventually people find out — they often have to change jobs, change cities, and their friendships tend to be pretty superficial.»
Narcissism can often come from an intense feeling of shame, meaning their sense of self is so small and crumbly they have to build up a false one on the outside.
«Whereas if you are a type A empath, you become dangerous because there is longevity to what you do,» Neo said. «You inspire people, and with your longevity of your relationships and inspiring people, you actually help a bunch of people to evolve faster than a narcissist.»